He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
