There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
