it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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