did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have so many feelings about this burrito
pray to the hookup gods
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
