Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
