he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
