I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
