You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
