yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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