Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
