I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
