the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
