Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
