She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
