Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
whose parrot is this?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
