i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think my moral compass just broke
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
