It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
