Your face is a jimmy john
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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