Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
