Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
