yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
