I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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