Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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