Need sex. Gaining weight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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