Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
