Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
