Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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