"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
God, I missed his penis.
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