I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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