i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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