where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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