Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
