shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize