She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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