So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
