So drunk its hurt
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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