I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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