you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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