I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
