So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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