If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
