Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
