maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
