so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
