I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
