No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
