some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
