please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
