when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
