And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
