It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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