I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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