My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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